Follow Your Heart
by CSISaraSidle72
Summary: Not sure about title...subject to change. Sara starts having flashbacks of her childhood. Takes place after, "Committed."
1. Chapter 1

Sara starts having flashbacks of her childhood. Takes place after "Committed."

P.S. I love all my faithful viewers *bats eyes*. Okay...fic wise, I am continuing with all my stories, which includes "Daddy's Girl." That was just going to be one chapter, but I am going ahead and writing a few more. This idea, however, I just couldn't get out of my head, so I decided to post it up. The rest I am working on, and they should be up within a couple of days. I've just been slow with Thanksgiving coming up and such : ( But alas, they will be up soon.

And P.S.S. This fic does deal with violence, rape and self-harm. If you disagree with these topics, I suggest that you stop reading now.

Now...on with the fic!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The cases were always the same, the violence...but the faces...that's what stuck out to her. A little girl huddled in the corner with her only comforting tool: a tattered teddy bear. Bruises are visible, the fear shines brightly in her brown eyes like the afternoon Vegas sun in the Summer, and the worse part upon closer examination: blood, and not just any blood, but blood on her underwear...underwear that should not have blood for a seven-year-old girl...blood that should not be there for at least four more years, and even then...not this _kind_ of blood.

The kind of blood that this was suggesting was the blood that made _a_ _woman _a woman...the kind of blood that distinguished between a girl and a woman...

...and a little girl was _not _a woman.

Why she allowed herself to go through these cases, she did not know. And what was worse...she _identified _with the victims...the ones who lived...the ones that suffered more than the ones who died...

...and they _identified _with her.

The little girl in question reminded her so much of herself when she was younger...when she was _that _age: short, brown hair, kept that way because baths were not a regular thing in her house. Scrawny, improperly nourished...the list went on. And the less _visible _signs sometimes...the bruises, cuts, fractures, breaks...that was what she recognized the most.

Give her any child, and she could tell you if the child was abused or not. Hands down.

And the worse part about it...the _absolute _worse...the part where only _one _person would know why her face paled so much upon hearing the child's name...the victim...

Her name was Emilie...spelled exactly the same way that her middle name was...an uncommon spelling, but not unheard of.

But it was enough to freak her out...enough to just about--but not entirely--send her over the edge. However, the only time that she even dared to leave the little girl was when she changed clothes, and they were bagged for evidence...everything on this case being taken with _complete _precaution, even though no one was left to really sue, and the evidence was all there.

But she kept strong. Emilie may have been a victim, but she was an _alive _victim, just as she had been, so she had to keep her cool...

...even though, with each passing minute, it became harder and harder to do so...

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

_...14 Hours Earlier..._

_"Mommy...Mommy, wake up...Mommy..."_

_Screams...stabbings...blood...slaps...so many things...so out of order...every word said taken out of context...not able to make heads or tails of the whole situation...darkness falls, hurting her profusely, until there is no more pain..._

_"Sara? Sara?"_

"Sara? Sara!"

Sara Sidle felt a slap on her arm as she shot up, sweat beads pouring down her face, her breathing labored.

As she looked up, she saw a pair of concerned blue eyes...Grissom. Catherine was standing to the left...she saw her when she looked around. And Greg was at the counter, sipping his special brand of coffee.

No one else was there...yet.

"Sara...what is it? What's wrong?"

Sara's ears perked up at that somewhat 'out-of-character' comment that came out of Catherine's mouth. She looked at her with a confused, somewhat insulted look (since she never worried about her like that, before) before swinging her legs over the couch, holding her chest...it was hurting her, a little, to take a breath. She tried to relax, knowing that if she didn't, she'd throw herself into another anxiety attack. It was bound to happen.

None of this would've started up, again, had it not been for Adam Trent, patient at a mental institution. He _could've_ taken her life that night, _could've_ raped her...but she also knew that he didn't...that _could've _just meant if he had had a longer of an opportunity to do so. But he hadn't.

_"Crazy people do make me feel crazy," _she had told Grissom that night.

The only one who knew what she meant...the only thing that it could be...the only thing that it _was_.

He was going to take her off the case, but she told him not to...she thought she could handle it...

...and tonight, she was finally realizing that she couldn't...she that shouldn't have even tried.

"Sara...are you okay?"

Grissom's firm, yet gentle voice brought her back to reality. She looked up at him, staring at him with a very confused look.

"Huh?"

"Sara," Catherine cut in. "When we--" she trailed off. _How am I supposed to tell her this? She's always so closed in. Oh well...here goes nothing. "_Sara, when we came in here to wait on Nick and Warrick, you were sleeping. You were..._talking, _or rather..._crying, _in your sleep."

Sara was embarrassed. Her cheeks immediately turned a crimson red.

Grissom saw this. He knew that Adam Trent might've had something to do with this, but he could also see it in her eyes--the fear, the terror...it also had something else to do with what had happened to her long ago...what had happened to her family, long ago...

...So Grissom covered for her...he'd take up for her, no matter what.

"Cath, give her a break, huh? So what if she had a nightmare? Big deal. It can happen to anyone, especially when crazy people hold knives to your neck." He shot her a glare, telling her to 'zip it', and now...he didn't want Sara upset, not anymore than she was going to be...

Ecklie was supervising tonight...Grissom, that is. He was evaluating his work, therefore he was evaluating the rest of the team's work.

So basically; 'what he says, goes'.

Which sucked if you were Sara Sidle, who had no respect what-so-ever for that man.

Which was why, with the state-of-mind and given mood that she was in, he did not receive a welcoming smile from her as he walked into the room.

She didn't kiss ass...but by the looks of it, including Nick and Warrick who had come in behind him, the rest of her colleagues didn't, either.

"Okay, I'm not one for formalities, so let's just get this over with," Ecklie said, after his brisk walk into _their _breakroom. He sighed, rubbing his temple with one hand while he read off the first assignment, looking around. "Warrick, Nick...break-in out in Henderson," he said, handing Warrick the slip as they both left without so much as a glance towards him. He shook his head, looking at Catherine. "DB on the strip in an ally...possibly a mugging," he said, handing her the slip. She left, glancing back at Sara and Grissom.

Ecklie stared at her until she walked out, then turned on the two remaining graveyard CSIs. "I really don't like putting you two together, but I'll have to admit that you work well with one-another, so let's just keep that between us, shall we?" Grissom and Sara exchanged confused glances before he went on. "419, possibly the worse since the Collins case," he said, making Sara and Grissom cringe...that one had been _the _worse. That one had kept Sara up for days...not that that had been tough on her, anyhow...she was used to little sleep...just not _that _little of it.

Ecklie sighed, shaking his head. "Supposedly, a mother went crazy. It _was _a family of five...not anymore." He shook his head, once more, in shame. "Only two survivors...the little girl is at the scene, shaken up." That was when he'd turned to Sara. "I know how well you connected with Brenda Collins, so I was...well..." _Boy, did he hate asking for favors_...

...So Sara finished his request for him.

"You were wondering if I'd take over, and look after the little girl."

"Exactly," he said, nodding his head, not noticing the worried look that Gil was giving Sara, especially from her near anxiety attack just a few moments before.

But Sara needed something to do, and since she noted that that was the last slip of paper that he held, a hard case was better than no case...right?

"Well, I guess I'll say yes, then," she said with her slow draw, looking a bit nervously at Gil before looking back at Ecklie, a little curious, now.

"What's the victim's name?" She didn't want to become attached, but she needed to know this, _especially _if she was going to be able to gather evidence and receive information.

Ecklie looked down at the slip, replying before handing the slip to Gil:

"Emilie Schroeder."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Okay...so it may be a bit..."off," I should say, especially given that I've been in weird moods as of late :)

But thank you, my loyal minions, uh...did I just say that? Hehe. Just kidding. But anyways, click that little box below to tell me how you liked my story and then you will be magically whisked away into another realm...just watch out for evil trolls :O

Again, just kidding...weird mood, I told ya.

Anyways...I hoped that everyone enjoyed this as I did writing it...more to come, soon, especially in my other fics.

~**~CSISaraSidle72~**~


	2. Authors Note

To All My Readers:

I will be continuing ALL of my stories very soon, but at this time I have had problems with my document programs. I had all new chapters for all of my stories, and it deleted them. I am hoping to be allowed to use someone else's computer for the time being to upload my stories on there. I hope you all will forgive me for my "laziness" on getting the stories uploaded, and I hope to have a new chapter to this story very very soon.

Thanks!

CSISaraSidle72


	3. Chapter 2

Okay, so...I know it's been a while *slaps self on hands*. Anyways, I'm having a hard time with my new computer, and getting all of my old work back, so I'm having to re-write it, bit by bit, piece by piece, all over again. I have notes on paper for most, so it won't be too bad, but I just ask for a little bit more patience, which I've received much of since it's been so long, so I just want to thank everyone whose been reading, and whose been patient while I've been trying to get everything fixed. You don't know how much that means to me. But I do promise everyone who has been reading my CSI stories that I am getting all of those chapters done so I can update on all of my stories, and I'm also about to work on one or two Charmed fan-fics, ER, and possibly 7th Heaven if anyone is interested :)

Anyways, on with the show...hehe...er, fic!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It's funny the things that you notice, that you remember, when you arrived at a crime scene such as this.

The house that the family had occupied was a well-to-do home. Not the best...middle class, but it's hard to believe that citizens such as this could be capable of these horrendous crimes. But, as Sara knew and had always reminded herself, anything is possible, and anybody is capable of just about anything.

As Gil and Sara walked up the front path to the doorway, they met Doc Robbins, who had already been aside. He came out with a look of terror on his face.

"It's a blood bath in there," Doc said sadly, shaking his hand as he wiped his brow, the one that was free of his cane. "I just went through, labeled cause of death from the preliminary exam...took me an hour." He sighed. "I'll know more after the autopsies, but it's evident of 'how'...I just wish I knew why," he replied softly, nodding to them as he walked off. A woman, around 43 was being led out by two uniformed policemen at that point. Her dirty blond hair was oily and natted together in huge strands, her face a mixture of anger and agony...no remorse. Actually, she kept muttering to herself about how everyone was 'out to get her' as the two policemen got her to the car, lowering her head as they both helped her, hands cuffed around to her back and shackles around her ankles, into the squad car. The sirens were heard as they sped off just moments later.

It was a long walk, but before getting to the door, Gil and Sara were met by another officer.

"Officer Morrison," he said, greeting and shaking hands with both of them.

"Dr. Gil Grissom, and this is Sara Sidle from the crime lab," Gil said, introducing the two of them. He then dared a peek inside, already seeing a large splatter of blood on the wall.

"Yea," Officer Morrison said, sighing as he rubbed the back of his neck. "It's a blood bath in there. We gave the mother Thorazine, and we'll hold her in maximum security until she can stand trial. Not many witnesses left, and her lawyer will probably just have her plead insanity, and she'll probably just end up in a psych ward." The sound of his voice was cracking, but most of it was full of anger as he held back the need to punch the door. "From what I can gather, the mother, Deborah Schroeder, is schizophrenic and has been off her medication for some time, now. Her husband, William, age 47, would beat her and knock her up against walls, but...that's not all," he said, allowing his voice to trail off a bit before continuing. "The children they had together, one was from a previous marriage...Jessica, aged 13. She apparantly would help her father in some of his acts. She sustained a total of fifteen stab wounds, most to her chest and abdomen. The middle child, Andrew, was ten years of age. My guess was that the mother killed him because he was a boy...we couldn't get much out of her besides screams and shouts that 'she couldn't trust anyone, because everyone was evil'. He sustained a total of seventeen stab wounds, as well as a gunshot to the temple, through and through according to Dr. Robbins. The most damage was to the husband, however. The mother sought revenge out on him by drugging him up, beating him, stabbing him twenty-eight times, and then shooting him four times; twice in the head, once in the heart and once in the neck. Won't know which killed him just yet." That was when he broke off for a moment, peeking inside just as they began removing the bodies, each in their respective black bag. "The only survivor besides the mother is five-year-old Emilie. When we came, she was sitting on the floor, soaked in blood, hugging her legs. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that she was in shock, especially when another officer tried to pull her away, and she screamed and began kicking and clawing at him. It's evident that she's suffered a lot of abuse in her short lifetime, but what's even more so is that..." lowering his voice, he again peeked around and, when he thought all was safe, went on, saying the last part, which sent chills all the way down Sara's spine... "she had a gun in her hand. The gun the mother had fired only had four bullets missing, meant for the father, we presumed. The mother, who ultimately went after her little girl sustained two bullet wounds, one in the arm and one in the leg. The other that the girl shot...hit the son."

Sara's heart about lept in her throat, and the same was true for Grissom. He could deal with a lot...they all could, but there was something that...when it came to abuse, neglect, especially that brought on by the caregivers to a young child, too young to _really _defend themselves...it was something that they just couldn't stand. And that was true for all the CSI's.

After a few more words spoken with the officer, they were led in through the crime tape. The last body was being removed. Grissom nodded to Sara to check the kitchen as he began dusting for fingerprints and taking blood samples from the wall and floor, labeling each.

As Sara slowly walked towards the kitchen, she noticed the pictures on the walls, one that couldn't have been too old compared with the ages given..._all smiling, _Sara thought to herself. Such a happy family, but even those had their skeletons.

Shaking her head, Sara finally stepped over the last large pool of blood when she arrived at the kitchen. A woman looked up and, receiving a nod from Sara, stood and left the area. And that was when the other figure looked up.

Emilie.

Hugging a tattered teddy bear close to her, the small child, nothing like the smiling youngster from the pictures, stared at Sara, at first seeming like she was looking through her. Her eyes held so much pain, and dark circles had gathered under her eyes. She was shaking, probably from fear and shock, still, but also because it was cold out, and until they got her some new clothes, unlike her blood-drenched nightgown she had on, now...they needed her to stay that way.

But Sara couldn't.

Going over to the table, slowly, she smiled reassuringly at the brown-haired little tyke. "I'm Sara, Sara Sidle. I'm here to help you," she said sweetly, never allowing her smile to waver, though all she wanted to do was break down and weep for this small child.

When the child made no effort to back away, Sara stepped closer, draping a small jacket that she found on a hook near the door, undoubtedly Emilie's own. Emilie's tense form settled some, as she stared at her legs swinging beneath the table. Sara took the notion to sit down, at that point. And she sat there, all the while as Grissom collected evidence. It was then, four hours later, around three A.M. that Emilie, tired as she might've been, but doing her best to hide it, spoke to Sara for the first time...after Sara suggested that they take her to the station for her to get bath, some nice clothes and a bed for the night. At first after this suggestion, all Emilie could do was sniffle as her body began to shake, again, this time not from the cold. It was evident at the beginning that this whole case was full of abuse, but Sara didn't realize how much or what kind, exactly, until Emilie, beginning to sob, shook her head violently as she stuttered out those few words that Sara would never forget, not only because of the manner between the shocked and scared little girl who could barely catch a breath spoke them, but for the fact that a pure and innocent little girl such as this shouldn't have, nor couldn't have spoken them, without having been corrupted long ago...

..."NO! I DON'T WANNA GO UPSTAIRS! PLEASE...PLEASE DON'T TAKE ME...I'LL...I'LL BE GOOD...I SWEAR...I SWEAR GOD...I SWEAR MOMMY...DADDY...I'LL BE GOOD, JUST...PLEASE...NOT TONIGHT!"

Sara held her breath as the small child broke down, crumbling to the floor. Grissom, finishing up, came rushing in with two different uniformed policemen when that shrill voice rang through the entire house...and possibly the neighborhood...

...but Sara crumbled to the floor right next to her, taking the small child into her arms and rocking her. She eyed Grissom for a moment, seeing his look of concern before she turned away from him, unable to show him her fear as she, too, began to cry, because gulping down her tears just wasn't going to work...not now..._especially now._

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hope everyone enjoyed :)

Sad chapter, and yes, more sad to come, but some good, too...possibly...maybe...hehe...

...Okay, I'm evil. Any-hoo, more to come soon, especially for the rest of my already-started CSI fics :)

Thanks for all who read, and if you really enjoyed it, maybe, possibly you could leave me a note so I know that you like it and won't feel like such a complete failure *makes a puppy dog face, whilst batting eyes*...

...just kidding, I don't. But notes, or rather reviews do help to encourage me and sometimes, especially now with all of the crap that's going on with my computer and having to re-write a lot of stuff all over again, it shows me that 1) people like it and 2) people are actually reading it, since sometimes...especially with me being just me...it's hard to tell, annoying as that personality of mine is :)

Anyways, I'll stop ranting, now. But I do hope that everyone enjoyed, and more to come...sooner than soon, hehe!

And P.S., if anyone reading my CSI fics are interested in Charmed, ER or 7th Heaven, maybe drop me a line about that, too, so I could, just maybe be able to figure out what I should tackle at writing, first.

Anyways, sorry for my annoying rambling...I'm gone, now ;^P

...I promise, hehe!


End file.
